lovesick

A meager thought turnt silver, A rush of pain that slithers, I talk without speaking, Why can't I be direct, I wanted comfort yet decline, Thoughts of mine reject the arms that posses no threat to mine. I want to grasp at the warmth but felt nothing but lead that greys my heart. What am I but pure sadness that masks the happiness that grew to mask me. I am conflicted This the same feeling, the act of a walk that braces itself to only feel the embrace of curses from inside and distance of love from the outside. The cost of life is too steep yet I can't fathom leaving without it. Lord I'm thankful for this love. Even if sometimes stings like the first flame that graces my fingers as they collide . A longing of meager thought turnt to insufferable pain. I'm slowly pushing everyone away again...I can't help it. "I was taught to care but not share". I mould myself like clay , all it takes is tears to make my mind fall apart . Crossed with this sadness, it plagued me since the moment I knew I was me and nobody else. I wanna be me for sure 😊 But why do I feel like me don't wanna play me anymore.