Love with the idea of you

After a eternity I finally thought I was in love But I realized that I was in love with the idea of being with him Not in the love with the person he was I was devastated realising that I was hard for me to except My heart felt like shattering into many pieces But i dreamed about the perfect life with you My chest felt physically pain by the thought of me not being able to love anyone Why? is it me, that's the problem All I ever wanted was someone I could lean on I guess it was too much to ask, even though was it?