love is me

love has always been painful love has always been fleeting love has always been just out of my reach the first man i even loved loved me in his warm embrace loved me in song loved me with a kiss hello but not always a kiss good night i've never really been able to define love on explain love on experience a love that didn't hurt love has to hurt love has to hurt love has to...hurt the first man i ever loved kept me waiting at night tears rolling down my cheeks as i sat by the window waiting for my good night kiss what is love without pain? wirhout chaos? without tears? what is love? who is love? who have i loved men that love me on their schedule men that want me that kiss and make me cry they make me miss them make me need them make me beg them for consistency i 've loved them with every fiber of my being loved them in every language loved them more than i love myself i love with the softness i cant give myself i love with the understanding i cant give my self i love so i dont have to love myself i wish i knew what it meant to love myself i wish i could talk kindly to myself on good day i can tolerate my reflection but most days i avoid it i run from it i loath it i wish i understood