Love as an adult

First I found, then I lost you then I held onto you even with all the hate you had for me, I still love you. But to keep you, I can't tell you I love you. I would still lose you a million times but I'd come back for you again each time because that's how much you mean to me. but I know it'll all go in vain. but I'd still want you all over again. I guess I'm just crazy enough to hold you like that.