looking upward inward without

My gaze peers upward Perchance to see thee there. In the darkness of clear night sky I ponder without a care. Downward spiraled upside down fancy My ugliest owns my despair. Beguiled by my shamed be jilted Nothingness is all I have to share. I shied away from my wicked past Hoping upon the hope that would not see. And yet they dreamed perchance to dream Of the person I coulda woulda shoulda be. "It was not me! I am not him!" I proclaimed "Go away, you!" As I cower in a jealous flee. Looking downward at the lock I had placed Around my heart giving Hope the only key. Musical whimsies back and forth I clutch what still remains. Cheerlessness of dark red feelings Devour me in stark mad raving pains. Can see with eyes uncloud with hate Around my bosom I sport these chains? Heavy burdens, my past, my present, my future Of my actions, my words, my disfigured feigns. My gaze peers upward yet once more What dreams may come they come. A myriad of colors blots the sky From blue to red, to orange follows plumb. I smile only within my wretched sadness Perceiving visions deluded of what's to come. My heart, the heart of hope be still Silent evermore quiet to that abandoned drum.