long ago or it feels like it

Looking at you fills me with an emotion I can't exactly describe but the closest I can come up with is the bittersweetness of a distant memory. It's like I imagine a life infused with joy but not knowing how it feels or felt. It's as if I remember the happiness but I've been numbed to the warmth it was supposed to bring with it. You're just like this memory that I adore, it had beautiful scenery, a lovely backstory, and a fun moment alongside a feat I was proud to have accomplished but it's like holding a picture of a fire while stranded in the middle of Antarctica. The more I try to feel that same ecstatic eagerness I did as a child, the more I yearn for it. The more I think of you and hold on to the small but felicitous moments, the more I want to feel you, hug you, kiss you, and love you but I can feel it all slipping away.