locked it behind a smile

i apologize for where my mind went after and though you tried to soothe me i locked it behind a smile i locked it behind a smile and affection because the emotional vulnerability of admitting one's emptiness threatened to choke me then and there i locked it behind a smile and reassured you that it'd be okay and darling, none of it was your fault you played every card in numerical order above and beyond, some might say and it's the same thing we always do that always has me loving every second i locked it behind a smile and then i went to bed and by myself it all snuck through like light between the shutters i wish i had the strength to ask for your help like you told me to but i lie here instead with aching stomach and fucked up head not even understanding why what made me so broken this time why there is a void where my heart should be with a mind full of hornets i locked it behind a smile and sent you to bed when i really needed to ask for your help to fight the things inside my head