loath

"you're so hard to love", they said if only i had a penny for all the times i heard that My heart is a fortress with moats of emotions , one that I've filled with doubts , fear and devotion The Chaos, the disaster , the parts of le i detest silent screams laying beneath the less ; The paradox of pushing people away, and the self loathing when they refuse to stay. The internal conflict is a never ending fight one that breaks me down and leaves me feeling like I'm not right. I crave intimacy , yet I build walls with no light A million bricks high , with no visible doors in sight. "Will it ever end?", I ask myself My mouth stumbles before me to answer, my words get lost like a forgotten murmur If this is the curse of fear will courage ever come near"