life of the youngest

somtimes i look out the window and wonder what if I wasn't the youngest child what if I was the middle child or the oldest child would I still have the fear of everyone going to live their own lives leaving me behind? would i still have to grow up extremely fast having no one to hold while I cry because they want to start their own lives would I still be scared of my family not being proud of me because their already much prouder of my older siblings lives will I still wonder if my family was happier without me alive would i still Blame myself for taking the attention from my older siblings much to early in life would i still have to listen to all the great things that happened in my family's life before i was even alive maybe I would still wonder all of these things but maybe not all I know is the life I have the life of the youngest child