life desires death

longing for death is my life, my life is a wait for desire, the desire for death, but being alive to feel it, i thank life for having me living like a dead soul and i thank death for helping me end my life. i feel like a slave to both, like their little doll that both fight over, but neither life nor death knows my wish, that is desire. i want to feel something without feeling ashamed, because for so long ive felt headless, i want to have something beyond the life i live and the death that awaits me. a desire of being alive, a desire of want to die, a desire of want to have desires. and that there are no limits that end them, that i do not owe my soul to life and that i do not have to give it up to death.