License

Did I pray for it a while back? I did. I said I wanted it. Now I don’t. But somehow, I still want to chase it. Maybe there’s something for me there. Maybe I just want to say that I’m doing something. Maybe I’m proving that I’m obeying. Or maybe — this is truly destined for me. Whatever it is, I’m here. A dreadful two months that turned into three, then four — I lost count. Maybe because I don’t like it. “Enjoy the process,” that’s what I tell myself. But I can’t even remember what I studied. It’s a love-hate kind of thing, and maybe that’s why it’s really meant for me. This unending rush to challenge myself — to feel like a main character, when I’m just a background scene to something far more profound. This licensing is testing me. Maybe God put me here so I wouldn’t brag. Whatever I’m doing, I know it’s not from my own strength or capability. It’s purely God. Because if it were me, I wouldn’t be here.