letter to self part 1

lately I have been wondering why I am alive I mean people in my life are treating me like I am disposable like trash and maybe it's true I mean my love's never love me people seem to hate me I have never been anyone's number 1 I know I know I am being greedy but is it really hard to feel loved all my life people claim I am beautiful with a Great personality yet they choose other people over me in front of me. It hurts so bad recently I have made a new friend but I am so scared that she may leave me like everyone else Will I really ever find peace in my life I wonder?