Jealousy

Jealousy is like a tidal wave, Dragging me down with no escape. It's a powerful force that I can't resist, Pushing me under and making me twist. Jealousy, such a tricky little friend, Hidden away until the clock strikes 10. Sinking me in my personal hell, Blurring my vision with red. I'm drowning in this sea of green, Consumed by envy and despair. It's a feeling that I can't shake, A weight that's too much to bear. Envy and despair, selfishness and struggle, The weight I bear but cannot rebuttal. My wave of a mental prison, The sea of green within my heart. The darkness that starts a collision, I could've stopped at the start. I smile inside but I'm not okay. I laugh and joke but deep down I know, I'm not okay. I hide it well, but sometimes I wish someone would know. But dammit why can't I remember. It's here and then it's gone. I'm fine but then I'm questioned. "Are you okay?" And to be honest, I don't know. I'm searching for a light to guide me through the darkness, but sometimes it feels like I'm stumbling around instead. What oh what is going on in my head?