It's not self harm

I feel that I have lost them I scream inside my mind I know they wouldn't just leave me But I still continue to cry I get so mad at myself I hit myself on the head I do not want to draw my own blood So I stick with that instead Sometimes I use bug bite medicine The kind that stings your skin I'm tired of being numb So I do it again and again I don't use any blades There is no blood so don't be alarmed I wouldn't do that to myself That would be self harm