Its Funny

I can't anymore. At least... That's what I say. Am I? Only in my head. Im tired of it all, and yet... Here I am. Alive. Oh, how many sperms rushed to be born and the one that made it... doesn't want to live. Funny. Here I am in bed, wanting to die but trying to live. Humans.... we are funny creatures. Every part of ourselves contradicts another. There are so many things to live for, but we keep focusing on things that trouble us. The little things mostly. I am dead inside. Only alive where the sun can see. I can't cry... all I feel is so much pain, and it can't leave my body. Im so done. Yet Im so scared to end it all. Not only that, but I'm still helplessly fighting. I laugh when Im sad or angry, did you know? That's because it's all so funny. I write my thoughts here. And keep it in my head. I am all over the place, and so is this poem. Yet you probably understand everything. I miss everything from my past, even the bad. But that's my focus, and so I can't move into my future. I dont really want to, though. Maybe my life could be better than it was, but I dont wanna leave what I have even though it's already gone. I am everywhere, but I am nowhere. I am someone, but I am no one. It's so funny, but it's not.