insufferable ache in my heart.

I ache i ache to be loved seen heard protected why can't I have that?. I know I need hardly say how much I missed the knife against my arm I hide, hide every flaw, but somehow somehow they always find a way to expose. am I not enough smart, funny, sweet, kind what else do I need? emotions is what I lack unfortunately, i cannot have that back for my mother has taken it father I beg to bring it back. the sea, wants to drown me the knife, wants to slit me the light, wants to burn me. do you think you can save me? throw some antidepressants on your tongue and drown it in harmful medicine. is this a cure? or an addiction? am I healing? or just distracted? what am I even? without this ache, I am nothing. without this pain in my soul, I am nothing. without this rotting brain, I am nothing. it hurts, gods, it hurts, why was I born to act kind and gentle when I should've clawed and bit? I blame you I say, as I stared at the broken piece of mirror with blood sprayed on. broke the streak, are you proud now?.