inebriated

Once my body is done settling with the spice of spirits, I begin to fill with the emotions I've held back. I stare at the hands that my mother and father made, whether out of love or lust, I was brought here and my love for the world was made the day I breathed air. I stare at my feet which brings tears to my eyes, all the times I've walked them to a love filled memory. My own tears comfort me, they were the only warmth I felt when I was truly alone. I don't feel ashamed if i cried in front of thousands people, I'm crying for myself and my own pain, what would anyone else know about my own heart? I try not to get lost in the physical world, I've seen what the spirits do when a human gets lost to them. laying my own father down with the last memories of him in the falls to the lowest pits one can bring themselves to was enough to show me what my paths must avoid. I suffered my own pains, including his, so on this impulsive night, I'll let my head lose it's composure in this room of solitude and hope no one wakes to the sound of the aluminium tab breaking the seal of confirmation that yes, I don't want to be in the body my parents have made for me. I don't feel guilt, just shame.