Indescribable Pain

I don't know how to describe the pain that I'm in. My face looks cold as stone, but the second I walk into an empty space, I break down into tears. It's not just hard, it's literally a dagger to the heart. I know she makes mistakes. Everyone does. But in so many ways, I still LOVE her so much. A smile spreads across my face the second she smiles or even giggles a little bit, and just a small smile or laugh from her could HEAL me from all my suffering. I feel relief. I feel over the moon whenever she talks happily and lights up the room. I love her to the point where I could literally step on fire for her, and I'd stay awake just to play one more game of Ludo with her. I'm willing to do anything for her, from this day until my last. I wish I could go with her, but the ticket is booked, and permission was never mine to give. She's like a mom to me, or even more than my real one. Seeing her struggle hurts more than my own pain. I genuinely cannot handle a day without her. Even if we don't often speak, or we're in different rooms, her presence alone gives me warmth. And just knowing she's there gives me hope. But now she's leaving, and still, I don't know how to describe the pain that I'm in.