In my head

As I lie in my bed I still can't sleep, my mind goes blank and yet I won't eat. I drown in these tears wanting an escape, but my mind is to far lost to this day. In my head it's these thoughts that roam, in my head I'm on my own. In my head it's a continuous void, a thought that I'm meant to avoid. The feeling of the blade on the skin.. is something I never want to feel again. Four months clean and yet still not happy, I wish my life wasn't so crappy. My head refuses to let me be. I just want to feel as if I'm free, as if there's something beyond this world waiting for me.