In another life

In another life i wish to be wiser i wish to be smarter, i wish to be a better me i wish to be a better daughter for my mother a better friend, i wish to be a better person i've heard how annoying i am to everyone around me. i wish i could change for the better. but in reality i have to learn to deal with it, yes , it's hurtful it hurts me like a million knifes stabbing right through my heart, tears fall from my eyes. but i say, i'm just a human, a girl, a teenager learning about life it's not my fault. The world it's just messed up to make me think it's all because of me. But "Oh" "Okay" i undertand ", i say. I cry and cry, and cry. All that grief you can see in my eyes they are holding back my tears. They want to escape but i don't want to let them do so. I want to escape all of the pain but i can't. I'm tired. I don't wanna live any longer, I'm dead inside. It's crazy how nothing i'm talking about makes sense, i wonder why. I'm writing to let my pain go, to vent to myself Even though myself needs someone to talk to. But there's no one to talk to this time.