I'm Trapped

I'm mad at you for texting me, and complicating my life. I'm mad at myself for craving you, and wanting you with me. I'm mad that he makes me feel trapped, especially at this moment. I'm mad at other people for judging, and not trying to understand. But don't forget I'm still mad at you for making me hurt. I'm torn by the choice I must make. My happiness, or his. Your sadness, or mine. he gives and gives it makes me feel like I'm just using him. I feel trapped because I know yall think I would. But, I know myself more. I'm not using him, I would never. I also love to give and give till my heart falls out from hurt. My love is complicated and I have love for him. But I have more love for you. You are far away but close in my heart. He is closer but slowly inching away. He would make my life miserable for leaving, even if he didn't mean to. I'm unhappy either way. My mother would be disappointed. I'm scared of what she might say. I cry out for words, a few to help. But I really am just mad at myself, because my heart yearns for you.