I'm so tired

Im so tired of waiting for bad luck around the corner bad news that always follows. Im so tired of thinking of thinking I diserve to be miserable because I didn't save the man I loved from dieing from the bottle. Im so tired of trying to be so strong all the time. When half the time I rather just be weak. Im so tired of not writing down what I actually think. Worried it will only come back to bite me. I'm so tired of being tired. It's just so exhausting. All I ever think about is if I can't have what I really want in life. Then Am I just here existing with no purpose. Im so tired. I am so tired of seeing others get what they want without even trying. Im so tired. In this life, Am I just being punished. Then again, I wonder. Did I do this to myself. I'm so tired.