I'm scared

i thought I prepared so well for it I thought I was ready but I wasn't here it is now and all I can do is wet my pillows day and night. and overnight I've grown weak and faint. I'm left with nothing but fear and a choice between death or to fight and trust me I wanna fight but, I've got no armor or an army on the outside I look as calm as the Ocean but, on the inside, it's chaos. I pray this cup pass over me