I'm (Not) Fine

I'm fine. I'm not sure when that became a lie. Maybe when I stop bringing my parents pride. I'm fine. The knot in my stomach hides in my throat. I hate being alone because that's when I cry. No one can see that I just want to die. Because I'm fine. Mom, I'm sorry I don't bring you pride. Dad, I'm sorry that there are rules I won't abide. Everyone else I'm sorry I'm not alright. I'm fine. I'm not sure when that became a lie. Maybe it's when I stayed up all night. Waiting for anyone to come a turn on the light. I'm fine.