im just tired

im not depressed im just tired tired of sleeping to escape the day tired of laughing when it aches im tired of saying" alright " "its ok" im not depressed i just cry in the bathroom tears falling without my permission in places nobody knows i joke about death like its a fiction like its stitched into my bones im not depressed im just suffocate in the weight of stillness i scroll through life but never go live i hide my pain learning how to survive too weak to break, too numb to grieve im fine I pretend but I break and bend in ways that never end ive been just dying in a way that doesn't leave any marks