"I'm all good"

friends ask me if I'm okay, even when I'm not I just say "I'm all good" they try to cheer me up but I don't smile back, they try to include me but I feel like I shouldn't be, when they are joking I say that im sorry, because I don't wanna laugh, they ask me if I'm lying and I say no, something is wrong but I try to hide it, they are so nice but I feel disincluded, I wanna cry but no tears come out, I feel like I don't deserve them, and that I shouldn't even be alive, but I am, but "I'm all good"