I'll wait

I move through motions, chasing fleeting grades, Building dreams of futures, in which I'll be praised, Conversations with loved ones, about what's to come, Feeding on moments, as if they're the sum, Cleaning my teeth, to keep decay at bay, Bathing just enough to ward off the fray, Tidying my space to keep chaos at arm's reach, All signs of survival, as I silently preach. But deep inside, I’m only waiting, For the end to arrive, my spirit deflating. I carry on, not out of desire, But to sustain the flicker, to feed the fire, I plot my course, though hope is a lie, Because I can't escape the question of why. I live not for me, but for those I hold dear, My friends, my mother—my reason to persevere. I wait for the day they’ll find someone new, Someone to love them, to see them through. When they no longer need me, when they find peace, I’ll release the sorrow, and let it cease. Until then, I remain, feigning the fight, Longing for stillness, the end of the night. And when the moment comes to drift away, I’ll step from the stage, and end the play. With my final breath, my last tear to fall, I’ll wait, knowing none of it mattered at all.