If You Were Still Here

Dad, I’m 22 and lost in the dark, I’m searching for you, but I can’t find the spark. My brothers are slipping, making choices untrue, And I don’t know what you’d want me to do. I wonder each day if I’m letting you down, If you’d shake your head, or just soften the frown. I’m stumbling through life, and it’s heavy to bear, And all that I want is to know you are there. If you were still here, would the nights feel less cold? Would I feel less broken, less tired, less old? Would love be unbroken, would we still be whole? Would I find my place, and mend my soul? I try to be strong, but I’m crumbling inside, I ache for your wisdom, your arms open wide. Your laugh, your advice, the warmth of your cheer, The sound of your voice is what I long to hear. Please know that I love you through all of my pain, Through tears in the sunlight, through storms in the rain. Though I fall and I falter, I’ll still make you proud, I’ll whisper your name, though I can’t say it loud. So, Dad up in heaven, please hear me tonight, I miss you, I need you, I’ll keep up the fight. For even in hurting, one truth will stay true— No matter my failures, I’ll always love you. ~C.Coetzee