If you asked me

If you asked me if I'm happy I'd probably smile and say yes I'd tell you "I am" and that "I'm actually doing really good this time!" And you would believe me, or at least choose not to further question my "yes" Because if we are being honest "yes" was what you were hoping to hear...and I'm not so sure my "yes" was true Honestly I don't know that I even know what it means to be happy I couldn't tell you if I have ever even really known happiness Yeah I've had happy moments of course and days that I laughed so hard I cried Joyful memories with family and friends But actual happiness?? No I don't think I've ever known what that's like And maybe that's ok...maybe I will one day and maybe it will be all I thought it to be or maybe actually it wont be that at all...maybe it's not meant to be consecutive and loud but instead gentle and in passing at random I think maybe that's what happiness really is....all the little small things spread out in life that even just for a second make your soul light up and your eyes smile And I'm pretty sure I have felt that at least... So maybe next time you ask me if I'm happy....and I smile and say yes I'll remember all the little small things and my "yes" will actually be true