If only

if only I could go back in time and fix the mess I have made. if only I would have known the things that I know now. if only I would have been taught how it is and what it looks like to love myself more. if only I didn't if only I did if only I spoke when I supposed to. if only I kept quiet when I needed to. if only I reacted less, maybe things wouldn't be this way. I don't want to leave a bad taste in my thinking patterns for it to seem as if it is only regrets that roam around in my mind fun times do too. but, the fun times never last I have developed a mechanism of being accustomed or rather bringing myself back to sadness because the happy things don't last ny confidence is knocked the old me is dead, and young me is still not healed! if only things would've been different for the sake of me and the good people in this world too.