I won't write about him

It's been 2 years now and I have/haven't move on yet I don't want to write about him, but I can't help it, I keep wanting to write about him. I keep telling myself, "No, not anymore, I won't write about him," yet here I am writing again. Why did he leave me, and why can't he truly leave me? I know it sounds cringe, but it is what it is. He left a long time ago, but he still won't leave my heart, my mind. I've somewhat forgotten what he looks like, but why can't I seem to forget all the things he said? They just won't fade away. I should feel ashamed that I'm still thinking about him. He was never mine, and he'll never be mine. My first love remains incomplete- maybe he came into my life just to fulfill that purpose. Despite saying I wouldn't write, I've written so much. If I start writing about him, I'll never be able to stop, it could become a book.