i wasn't ready

Dear diary, I am only fifteen Too young to carry the weight Of a life inside me When I found out I felt scared, confused But also a little bit happy Because it was a piece of me Then came the choice A choice that did not feel like mine Everyone told me it was the only way And I believed them I ended it And with it, a part of me ended too Now I sit here Feeling empty, feeling guilty I picture a tiny life That will never grow That I will never hold I keep asking God to forgive me But I wonder if He can I wonder if I deserve it Because I can’t even forgive myself I feel robbed Robbed of being a mother Robbed of knowing what could have been Robbed of my first chance at love this deep I know I was too young I know I wasn’t ready But my heart still aches And I don’t know if I'll ever stop feeling this way