I still like him

I've been trying and trying to not like him anymore. I don't think I like him anymore. And I was hoping it would be a relief. When it happend I was in my room alone watching gilmore girls while carefully painting my nails knowing I'm gonna take them off before I go to bed. And I realized, staring at my nails I didn't think about him almost all day. But when I realized I don't like him anymore, it didn't bring me any less stress and I said in my head "i don't think I like him anymore" it felt real. Here I am. Wondering why it makes me feel empty and why I'm not happy about it. Why can't I smile that I don't. I remembered the last time I really laughed, I was with my best friend singing Justin biber "baby" to some random guy we added on snapchat. I think back and I just can't stop smiling. Maybe I still like him but I need to love myself to be happy.