I need to change for god

I'm getting videos of God I'm imagining him now he would strike me down I would not be entered the Gates of heaven if I keep on going down the road I travel on I live a life of sin at this point I might as well just become one with him because there is no way that at my age I should be acting the way I do I just want to be with you because I know God is a lot and I tried it and I faked it I lost the enemy took over and has me on a grip and I'm begging the floor to give me love when I need to build a relationship with him I need to be better not just for me but for God in the relationship between me and him I need to be better I need to stop sending I need to break habits that I'm thinking of not quitting I need to be better and I'm going to do it for God I need to do this it's not a question or just a thought it is something I need something I crave it is something that puts me away something that makes me stay awake at night I think of this cuz if God came down he would not take me with him I am not what she asked for I am a sinner so I'll go to God and pray and hope he could take it away just pray to God and I'll be fine just keep on praying and tell my God will save you and Me don't worry honey