I lied

I lied. everyday, about happiness and about fear. I lied. To you I only did once but it feels as though I still failed. failed you. I lied. you died and everyday I feel that pain, In my heart and in my soul. for deep down I loved you more than myself or anyone else. I lied. please help me to the light. I feel like I might die in this darkness. it's like I can't breath in this ocean of pain, drowning in the emotions I hoped would fade. but I lied.