i hate myself

you might not understand it relate to it at all but to me it’s my life it describes the way i fall how do i tell others simply let them know i hate myself so much i sometimes want to go find out what happens after when you reach the end sometimes i want to know what dying actually meant everywhere i go i leave things fucked up and when i cry to myself again i want to make my feelings stop i'm done with being a shitty person done with ruining everything for everyone my eyes turn red once again i'm simply done but taking my life is terrifying i would never dare still, it pops up in my mind 'if i got hit with a car, i wouldn't even care' i know people will care that my death would hurt others that and my fear are holding me back no one wants to lose a son or daughter i know that damn well but still my mind wanders 'what if i took my own life' while my self-hate grows darker