I forget to close the door

I forget to close the door I'm not lacking intelligence I have high intellectual components points to be made aspirations worth sharing and discovering but when my brain bunches together a mixture of carbon and negativity I tend to explode. Words I don't mean or wish I did every thought every passage to every thought every bridge building in my mind implicating a new reality a new thought to defend spews out uncontrollably I'm not stupid I just sometimes forget to close the door I mean, it doesn't seem so hard just a small step that won't impact any life but my own but I count the creaks of it one by one I know every step to it but I slip away in search for a new door I'm not stupid but the tragic truth is I always find a way to obliviously show that I am my greatest endeavours or mere portions of the efforts expected I hold tightly to what I believe in because such humility in these moments can only bear a dire hold on my heart commitment to the battle between will forever be my hardest fight I can't seem to focus I can't seem to pick a future why does it have to be so suddenly planned why does each step feel heavier than the last why do the creaks sound louder than the voices telling me to close the door.