i feel sad but also happy?

im ashamed of this but every single girl ive liked i dont miss atleast not as much as my dismiss of wanting to give you a kiss i know i have a horrible heart and humour but please dont spread this rumor i know i dont deserve you but theres no other girl i view please dont be insecure maybe if i said it itd be simpler maybe if i said that i wish you had my eyes you'd realize your the only paradise i have i wish i could give you paradise back and your the only one i see out of all the fish in the sea i wish i fell in love with someone else but i cant wish for anyone but you this feeling, so new i wish whenever i see you, i dont melt most importantly i wish i had the courage to say that your the best chapter of my life since i met you, ive let go of every grudge even if you dont like me, im gonna be fine