I envy my old self

when I sit alone in silence I recall all memories without violence from sitting amongst lived ones to sitting alone in the dark staring at the stars wondering when I'll dance on Mars if I wonder, among every galaxy, will I find a piece of me lost in time from broken hearts to happy cheers the end of my old self nears from broken mugs to oven gloves I change fast yet slow from vast green lands to mountains plain oh the sky light can sense my pain not physically or mentally but emotionally I am drained I envy the love she felt and the heart she had I envy her soul with it being full and glad with her strong armour I seek a silent soul I shall weep here lies the old me once more but forever I shall live forevermore here I stand a new heart and mind and I shall never be lost in time