I dont want to, but I want to

I dont want to go back to being 15 But what if I want to be kissing on a parkbench at 3 am but I dont want to be stuck in a 9-5 but I want to make a living out of being myself but I dont want to go to church but I do want to belive in god from time to time but I dont want to get cancer but I want to smoke cigarettes But I dont want to be old But I want to be wise I dont want to fail But to succeed I have to fail many times