I Don't Wanna Be a Loser

I wanna die, but the thought haunts me. Seventeen years old— A student, a dreamer, Wanting more than what I have. My family struggles, Money is tight, And I am the middle child— The one they call lazy, The one they say looks wrong, The one they say is not enough. But I feel. I hurt. I hear every word they say. They think I ignore it, So they keep going, Day by day, Until I hate everything. I hate them. I hate my face. I hate my life. I hate myself. Why was I born like this? Why do I have to carry this weight? But my church— My church is my light. They see me, They feed me, They listen, They don’t judge. They remind me that I am more. I want to go to college. I want to escape. I want to be someone. I don’t want to be a loser. But my father says no. Not me. Not my dreams. Not my faith. So what now? If I don’t go to college, who will I be? What will I do? What future is left for me? I want to live, I want to win, I want to prove them all wrong— But where do I belong? I just want to disappear.