i don't matter

it doesn't matter. my words don't matter my thoughts don't matter my life doesn't matter I self harm but it doesn't matter I have a hard time with how I feel.......... it doesnt matter I resorted to needing you... others for validation. I had to seek it out in order to be seen.... it doesn't matter I suffer from BPD but I'm an excuse I hate myself I just want a hug no one hugs me anymore nor touches me I don't mean sexually. by walking in a room yes you can see I have heavy thoughts but can you not jump the gun I'm smiling through it because how else do you get through all the tears and fears..... I'll take these pills , numb my thoughts. Slit my wrist....... have a goodnight