I count

I count how many times I tap my fingers against my knee.  I count how many times I breathe heavily.  I count how many times my heart beats in my ears.  I count how many times I almost cry from the feeling of dread that wraps my head.  The pain in my knee that never goes away, even with the taps.  I count how many stares I see when I sit down in the snack aisle, as I count how many times I tap my fingers against my knee.