I can't get up

my room is dirty and unkept as usual for some reason I can't get out of bed I don't want to leave not the peace and the solitude of what I hope to be because of the dirt on my shoes is something deep within me I feel as if I failed again and again I don't know how far I'll go with these answers in my head I imagine fake scenarios every time I lay there thinking of the world and what lays beyond what I see how far can I go how long will I could take you to breathe why is it that I'm still in bed why can't I go outside and play with my friends why is it that I'm stuck here by choice to stay a slave to my mind that says you can't do this today it's hard to think that this was what was made for me people say that this is a phase and then I'll pass by but it doesn't feel the same I'm stuck in my bed feeling as if I'm nothing feeling tired and swept I don't know how far I can go I'm tired I'm so so tired but I push on anyway that letting my body rest for the day knowing that I still have a dirty room and things to clean it's like I'm a machine never stopping to see the roses outside my window he left for me I think that's why he's gone I'll never see him again but these roses are the last thing I have of him