i can't

31 year's old still can't make a living the world seem like it's ending and nothing of worth to be proud of working, working, working no rewards at my withs end but can't commit the rationality that its the end make me feel like I've abandoned them i don't want to give up but waking up and crying every night i don't want to feel this pain all i want is a better life i wish i truly wish it will happen but looking at my past it seem unlikely