I Ask Myself

I ask myself why did you have to go why did you have to make me believe that watching you die, was never a possibility. I ask myself, why did you lie to me about how your health really was. You weren't saving me from the pain. The truth hurt worse, after you passed. you weren't held accountable. you never said goodbye you never apologized all those nights, I took care of you. living at the bottom of a bottle. you told me, I was the best that happened to you. it turned out you needed someone there for you so you didnt pass away all alone. you didn't even entertain the idea of being sober. I blamed myself for not doing more I blamed myself for taken the time that we had for granted. in reality, you only cared about the bottle. It bothers me to even think that way. The proof speaks for itself. I feel as though, I can never get out of the stage of anger. the greif process destroys me to the core. I ask myself. Is this all that is left of me now.