I almost took it

I had them in my hands, and I was ready. Ready to disappear from the face of this unnoticed and speedy. They were not prescribed, and they were a lot to shallow at once. It was a mixture of different kinds. Some would've made me calm, some who knows, maybe I don't know. I was in a moment where I didn't care, no more. The longer I stood there, the emotionless was the delay in me indulging them. For a second, I thought I'd ask if there was a way I could not think. I was lost. I had lost a lot. The pain was and still unbearable. I had plans, and I couldn't afford to scrabble. She told me she's gravid. That's where I knew I had to dig deep and work rapidly. The excitement was present, and so was fear. It felt like dejavu got me wilding for some reason, and it felt like being thrown with spear. Suddenly, life had started to make sense. I was in my senses, and it made sense why I was feeling the I felt. I was nervous but happy, in fact I really don't know how I felt.