human contradiction

I am the human contradiction.    I have no self confidence. Yet I have a massive ego.   I want to turn my life around. Yet I want to die.   I want people to think I have no weakness. Yet all I want to do is cry.   I want to be the best at everything. Yet I don’t want to try.   I want to stop hurting myself. But that’s all I seem to do.   I don’t want people to see my scars. Yet I want them to know I am scarred.   When I wake up I want to be happy. But I don’t want to wake up anymore.   I am a breathing, living, walking contradiction to human existence.