How much do you hate yourself?

I've been asked multiple times "How come you're so pretty yet you don't try?" Well I gasp all the air and say, Let's say I don't want to change, for your gaze, You may sit with me until I fade But I will be with me even if I fade You may love me for the time you spent with me But I am the one who's there for the times you won't spend with me, How cruel is it when I look in your eyes and saw the reflection of me, It pained me that I no longer love the person I see That the only version I see is the one you loved The one you brought through the opinions of your mouth It didn't just scarred me, I bleed for I saw someone else I no longer recognize the fragments because I am not me anymore, She's not here, she left the moment I decided to be with you The risk I took, the me that left me because you took it out of me I never wanted to be someone you loved But I created myself like that, Can I even call it "my" self if the fragments are yet scattered and lost She's not here anymore no matter how loud my cries No matter how far I find her, She's gone and all is left is anger and disgust I mask myself to fill the void since you left Since you did not fight Yes, you're partly to blame.