How many hours?

How many hours has it been? deep in my mind I try to swim. but instead I'll just drown, and then the cycle goes round. throughout the night, lost in thought, in a web of lies I'm caught. hoping that soon I'll drift of to sleep, yet I lie there still, and weep. and I find myself asking, how many hours have I been wasting? I want to dream of sunny fields and blue skies, but instead I think of all the goodbyes. so how many hours has it been? this is a battle I cannot win.